our cab driver is having phone sex.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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