my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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