reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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