I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Randomize
