This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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