No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
