Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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