I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
