am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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