i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
