I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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