wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
