I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Did I show you my penis last night?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
