Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
