Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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