If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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