singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
