Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
