At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Enjoy the penises
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
