could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
