You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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