I'm lost and stupid without you.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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