If i come over, it means nothing
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My life is pants optional.
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