At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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