remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
