i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
