lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
