meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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