I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
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She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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