We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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