Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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