i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
