You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
