i love accidental penises.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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