Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
