Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
