The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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