that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
