Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
