As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
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Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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