Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
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i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
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Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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