the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
