Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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