I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
