as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life