Pappa wants mamma naked
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?