You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.