Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Two words: blizzard sex
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail