Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
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i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites