sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)