Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
