The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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