people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
