dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
