I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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