You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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