please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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