and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Randomize
