He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So vagazzling was a success
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
