you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
