Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Small penises have feelings too.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
