We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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