I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
