I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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