she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
