So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
